Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
