i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
