I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
