i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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