Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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