On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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