he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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