whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
