Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
