Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
