Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
