I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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