I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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