What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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