god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
