Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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