Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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