Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
