omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
