12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
