I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
