I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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