last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
