My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
