wrigley field is MILF paradise
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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