dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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