Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
