My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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