I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
