How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
