Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
