my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
