I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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