My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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