I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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