Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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