my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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