Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
