At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His nipple licking is glorious
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