Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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