why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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