I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
