That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
