Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
