apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
