It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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