last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
