a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
