im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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