the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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