you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
