I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
