Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
